having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
