I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
