how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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