I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
