i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
