Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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