fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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