Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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