so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
