from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
