i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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