dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
