So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
