So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
