dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
