Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
