he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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