Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Need sex. Gaining weight.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
