She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
