Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Randomize
