That's when you crack a 10am beer
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
