Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
