Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
