speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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