You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
