haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.â€
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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