Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
