Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
