Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
