so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
