Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
