The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
