I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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