He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
