well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You did what with his pubic hair?
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