So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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