He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
