I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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