i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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