apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
