How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
