apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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