Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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