I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
