Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
