Can Purell be used as lube?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
