I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
