So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
