She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
