More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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