my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
