Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
