You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
