those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
