I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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