I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
