I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
