I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I skipped work to stalk him.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
