mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
