I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just googled if crying burns calories
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
