I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The Olympian is in my bed
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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