Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
