I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
