Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
