You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
