You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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