i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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