this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize